I'm aching, but I don't know why. I'm crying, but for no reason I can see. I'm missing people, but I haven't even met them. I'm homesick, but for places I've never been. I'm discontent, but the world is full of His goodness. I'm lonely, but surrounded by people. I'm tired, but I haven't done anything. I'm certain I'm understanding, but there are more questions than answers.

breaking

Music, swirling all around, delighting the senses, expressing my heart's song. And it's breaking me.

Mercy, undeserved, unreservedly poured into a imperfect vessel. And it's breaking me.

Beauty, the canvas of the world, the palette of colors singing to me, the mountains calling, the rivers dancing around me, all singing to me of His beauty. And it's breaking me.

It's breaking off the stone encapsulating my heart, making room for more beauty and grace, creating holes only He knows how to fill.

what if. . .

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching(s) of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

~Blessings by Laura Story

Sometimes I forget that blessings can come in all shapes and disguises. This is one of the few songs that speaks to me so deeply that I feel like crying whenever I hear or listen to it.

does it ever happen to you?

Reaching. Straining every muscle to reach the prize, that piece of happiness so tantalizingly near. Grasping, almost within reach. Close enough that I have no doubt that dream is truely mine. I ca. not foresee any reason it will not be in my grasp. Then the ladder is kicked out from under me. A broken soul laid bare by the cold cruel earth. My spirit is crushed, broken into a hundred pieces. What a twist, what a cruel trick to play. It was never mine. A dream that now must dissolve into a vapor for it will never be.

The dance

The friends, the laughter, the music swirling through the air. Playfully poking fun at one another when we forget a step. The notes that force our feet to move, keeping them from standing still, calling us to join in the fun. The bits of conversations as we make patterns with our feet. We end up back where we started, for it is not so much the destination as the journey (unless you get hopelessly lost and ruin the dance). I don't know what it is, but there is something there that keeps one coming back for more. You can come every week and never tire, always counting the days until the next time. The dance, that unique marriage of music and step, there's nothing like it. There is something here, perhaps just a small glimpse of the larger dance of which we are a part.

Freedom

In the corner of her eye, a waterfall is forming. She is weary. Her heartsong has become a whispered lament. She seeks to take refuge in a secret place, hidden from the cares of the world, from the hurt and the pain and the anguish. She runs fast and hard, but no matter how hidden the place she hides or how far she travels, it is always right behind, haunting her every step and stealing every happiness. Collapsed in a corner, the weight is nearly unbearable as it presses in and threatens to crush her. These chains cannot be shaken. This burden cannot be loosed. There is only One that has the key that will fit the locks. He is ready and willing to help, but He waits for the willing heart. Run to Him, dear child, and He will free you.

Perseverance

Tired and weary, the lonely soul continues on. Thirsty, exhausted, threadbare, with no oasis in sight. Straight and narrow the seemingly endless road stretches on and on and on. Everything says to turn back, to give up hope. But the soul trudges on, for in her hand is a love letter, written promises of something better that are just out of sight, signed by the One that loves her dearly. She just has to trust, to believe, to continue on, to persevere.