Frequently today, marriage is postponed or delayed. Too many are putting off marriage until their thirties and even forties. You are expected to meekly wait until the right one more or less falls directly into your lap instead of actively searching for a spouse. While I believe that there does exist those truly called to celibacy, they are few and far between. Prolonged singleness, however, does not equal celibacy.
Who is to blame for the recent rise in number of singles, especially those older in age? Though I think there is percentage of blame that rests on families, I believe that it is foremostly the church. In nearly every church, you will find a single adults group. While these can be used to promote marriage amount there members and helping them find suitable mates, they often end up doing the opposite. Through these groups, one can fill up there schedules so that you are never lonely, never have a chance to consider marriage. Often the predominate thinking there - as well as elsewhere - is that as a single, you are somehow more of service to God. In this day and age, avenues of service where marriage is an impediment are few. Being single does not make one holier. Yes, there are daily distractions in marriage, but they are just as many - perhaps more, since there is none to share them with - than in the single state. Once our churches return to scriptural teaching in the area of marriage and singleness, I believe the resulting change would overflow to many different aspects of our culture.
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This is very interesting. In fact you are proposing the opposite from what I've heard. In my honest opinion you are focusing on the wrong cause for singleness. Those who would say that in some sense singles can be more devoted to God are simply repeating/restating Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I believe there is a different reason so many remain single in our day and age. The ultimate reason is selfishness in my opinion. Not wanting the commitment to dedicate your life to serving another. Our culture is totally involved in what will be best for me. Perhaps in the church it is paraded as spirituality, but if it truly was in order to serve God better there would be no problem with it. Paul says that he wishes all might be as he is (single). If all those singles were single so that they could go out and serve as missionaries I can so no problem.
I believe what you are speaking to is a form of spiritualized selfishness where the church has bought into the culture's view of selfishness and tried to justify it. I believe you are correct in seeing a problem, but I think you missed the root of the problem a little. ; )
Just my own contribution to your post, not an attack on you. ; )
In Christ,
Isaiah English
Thank you for your input! I would always
ReplyDeleterather discuss topics than post my own
view with no input. ;-)
What exactly is the complete opposite?
This isn't my complete view on singleness, but
merely one of the cultural influences.
I'm not saying all the blame rests on
today's church, but proposing that it
has aided and abieted prolonged
singleness. So, I would agree that the
root cause is selfishness. Marriage
is being delayed, not sworn off, and
it is hurting our culture. I will probably
be writing more on the topic soon.
Proposing that we have too high a view of singleness. Perhaps it's just the circles I've grown up in, but in my experience marriage is upheld as the best and singleness is almost looked down upon. My pastor was unsure if the church would allow an unmarried pastor to pastor their church, since he was single when he first came. In my experience there can often be a feeling that elders and church leaders should all be married, and you really can't get on with life in the church, or life in general till you find a spouse. Until you find one your life is sort of "on hold" and after college (and/or graduate school) that becomes your primary calling in life, to get married.
ReplyDeleteI will certainly agree that our culture does not like marriage, but that's not because they don't want to live together. They want to stay boyfriend and girlfriend while they raise a family, they don't like the commitment marriage "supposedly" (sadly) brings.
Perhaps you are finding a much different culture in your church circles, and that's why we seem strange to each other. ; ) I'm just saying that in my circles there doesn't seem to be the problem you spoke of. Although, now that I think about it, I do know that there seems to be a raising of the marriage age over all.
I guess that because I push against that so hard I've forgotten it exists. My cousin who is two weeks younger than I got married at 19 (in March) and I thought that was great. I consider 18 or 19 to be a great age to get married if you are not attending college, I see no point in waiting for no reason. The earlier the better I say (to a certain extent). My parents got married right out of college at age 22 and I think of that as towards the old side. However, now that you mention this I realize that is rather contrary thinking to most in our culture and even the church.
However, I don't think that the problem is trying to serve God better as a single—for the main reason that I don't think that is a problem. I mean Paul seems pretty clear about setting it forth as better, and Paul's not down on marriage. He speaks just as highly, if not more than, as any writer of the New Testament.
(…sorry this is so long) ; )
That is interesting. I really haven't seen thinking like your circles in the mainstream. Though probably not blatant, I do feel that there is more of a leaning towards singleness in my circles. Not a discouragement of marriage, but not and encouragement either.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on age. I know some shirk away from marriage in the teen years (apparantly, marriages from that age group have the highest percentage of ending in divorce), but I see no reason as to wait if one has a certain level of preparedness for marriage. It really wasn't until quite recently that I became aware of the rising number of people putting off marriage into their late twenties. I always thought I'd be married by the age of eighteen or nineteen when I was younger!
I enjoyed reading another's viewpoint. ;-)