Normal

Normal. What a conceited word, snobbishly looking down at me in all its normalcy. Sometimes you wish you could be like them, those normal people. The ones with a quiet existence. Nothing out of the ordinary happens to them. But you know, their lives...they must be so boring.

Multitude Mondays

Multitude Mondays

#1 - #10

A little boy that is getting better.

A large, spacious room with a lovely view and windows that let the sun stream through.

The perfectly timed words of a friend that tell me what I need to hear.

Three very short weeks until five awesome days called BWSC.

Fifty-two days until I see a dear friend in person!

Coming in just sixty cents under the limit for the meal tickets.

Laughter of both the young and old echoing off the walls - after all, it is the best medicine.

Those special women to which God gives children, but especially my own beautiful, amazing mother.

Reassurance that God is in control, even when previous plans are completely shattered.

Learning I'll be an aunt. Even if it was by phone, while driving, and didn't fully sink in right away. I can't wait to meet my niece/nephew!

Randomness

It hit me - I'm starting turning into the typical blogger, typing random facts that no one particularly cares about or reads. My old-style posts are there, in my head, I just haven't had time to bring them to life. Scary prospect, becoming typical. Mostly because I feel the constant push to become mainstream, and in so many ways I've lost ground (which has been good in certain areas). But I'm changing, I've lost passions I once held, but I'm not sure where they've gone - have they died or are they simply smouldering under the surface and will reawaken when God sees fit. Yet somehow I've changed at least a little into the girl I once would've scorned. Some was maturity, the experience of life, and just growing up. Some was friends that planted the ideas or argued the point. It is frightening, frightening indeed.

I am tired. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Simply exhausted. It was a beautiful day spent with friends while seeing a play. I love having shared memories with friends, things to look back on and smile at. I learned today that I am going to be an aunt. It is starting to sink in and I am so incredibly happy. I want to cry tears of joy. Yet there are tears of sadness, for today also brought sad news about a friend. It's like oil and vinegar being shaken together in a jar. I want my little brother to get well. I have hopes and dreams that I wish I could know if they would be fulfilled. I am weary of trying to figure out and plan my future. I'm afraid of making the wrong choice. I wish there was a checklist for my life. That I could find that person that would marry me, if such a man exists. Perhaps a schedule of my life, of what I need to focus on and accomplish when. Or perhaps just a mental rest about decisions made. I know this paragraph, this post, is broken, rambly, and perhaps a bit silly. Congrats if you actually read it, especially to the end.

My trust is ultimately in Yahweh. He is writing my life story, and I can't wait to read it.

Pens and Pencils

The writing implement of choice can really say a lot about someone. Pen and ink convey confidence, a sense of finality, of no going back. A pencil, on the other hand, gives you the opportunity to go back and change any mistakes, completely erasing the memory of their existence. In one writing course I took in school, a pen was the only thing you could write with. At first I thought it was a stupid rule, I hated not being able to go back and change what I had already written. I did come to realize how good his justification for the rule was - when writing with a pen you are more careful about working through your thoughts before placing them on paper. (Though I still like writing with pencils when I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts or working on something I feel is important.) But it made me think about God's Word - He has written His Word, His covenant, in pen and ink. It can't be changed. All of it is there for me to see, there isn't going to be something erased or added in when I'm not looking. It makes me extremely grateful for a God that has written His Words and promises in ink.

Circles

Sometimes you get tired of everybody and everything. Nothing new under the sun becomes a heavy, crushing burden you can't tolerate anymore. The same cycles, the same hurts, the same excuses. And you want to go somewhere far, far away, to lock yourself in a secret tower where no one can ever find you and you can live out your days in peace. But even if you could, very quickly it would become old. The silence would be peaceful, but there would be no laughter, no one to listen or talk to. You wouldn't be hurt, but your heart would be devoid of love and turn to stone. There might be peace, but you certainly wouldn't become more sanctified. What is the point of living - to have a peaceful, comfortable life or to be spreading God's Kingdom and seeking to behind more like Him? So maybe these little daily trials, the small taste of Christ's sufferings, is to make us more like Him, to bring us closer to God, and to glorify His name.

Oh yeah, I have a blog...

No, I haven't truely forgotten my little corner of cyberspace. It is more a lack of inspiration and limited time spent at an actual keyboard. I still don't have anything in particular to write about, so if you don't like to read rambling now would be a good time to stop. A random post of random things running through my head is better than nothing...at least that is what I hope!

Ron Paul is running for president. While I tend to favor Ron Paul, I'm not sure he is the one that can beat Obama. We need someone young, someone fresh, with Paul's ideals. Who will that be? It's a bit early to tell, but hopefully someone will surface that can help fix the American government.

I'm half-listening to the tv playing in the other room. It is amusing to hear the reporters speculate on and on about what the president is going to announce at 11pm at night. Libya? Security? Talking and talking about nothing. Geraldo mentions Bin Laden and I laugh a little inside. Really? No way, he is either dead and we don't know it or still hiding in a cave. And now, suddenly, in an instant - the unbelievable...Osama bin Laden confirmed dead. History being made as I watch. Living the moment that kids will read about history books. A man responsible for the death of so many has met his end. Ten years and he is gone.
Yet no matter what happens, life around us goes on. Our everyday lives aren't changing. Perhaps a mental rest. Of course, there will much rejoicing in justice being done.

In just five days I get to see Pride and Prejudice on stage! Another item checked off my bucket list. ;) I'm excited about spending some time with cool friends watching some good acting. I love the stage. There is nothing like watching something on stage. It is one of those times that the story truely feels alive and I never want the moment to end. The curtain closing always seems to come too soon, no matter how long they gave been open. In just twenty-nine days is one of the best weeks of the year. Dancing every night, food and fellowship and friends, gifted speakers...it is the week that flies by, that holds so much laughter, so many memories, and so much food for thought. In sixty days I get to spend the weekend with one of my best and closest friends, whom I yet have to meet in real life. Certainly going to be one of the sweetest, most memorable weekends of my life. Much to look forward to and savor.

Isn't it funny how you start something with no idea where it is going? I had no idea the history that would take place during a normal, quiet Sunday. Life is a journey we take one step at a time. Who knows what lies around the next bend? Let's go find out!

Decisions, Decisions

It's like walking into a huge book store, with bookcases from floor to ceiling, shelves bending under the weight of the wide assortment of books. But you can only choose one, just one, and you must completely finish it before choosing the next. Some will be quick reads, over quickly. Others will take much longer. And that is where I stand: skimming the titles, weighing the choices, wondering which will be the best choice. The decision isn't easy. Once you forward there is no turning back. I try to avoid glancing with envy at those around me that appear firm and confident in their decisions, absolutely certain where they are going. Me? I'm at the end of one chapter of my life, wondering what will happen in the next and pondering what it might hold. Until I finish, only God knows. So I make a choice, grab a book, and squeeze my eyes shut as I turn the page to the next chapter of my life, hoping and praying I made the right choice.