The assignment for July 9-11 was to read the boundless.com series on biblical dating and share some of my thoughts. (Read the PDF here -http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/Boundless_BiblicalDating.pdf ) If you have not read the series before, I would encourage you to do so now. It is a bit lengthy but it will be well worth the effort.
The first article, Biblical Dating: An Introduction (http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001401.cfm), defines the difference between biblical dating and modern dating. The biblical principles are well laid-out and contrasting it to modern dating. Whether you call it biblical dating, courtship, or betrothal isn't important as long as you have solid biblical principles to guide you.
"To Kiss or Not to Kiss" is a biblical defense in favour of keeping all sexual activity until marriage, included kissing. Yes, I just said kissing. I realize there are those that would disagree, but I am with the author on this one - no kissing until after marriage.
So you have your basic foundation of biblical principles for courtship. The question is, "Are You Ready to Date?" (http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001449.cfm). Before you even consider looking for a spouse, you should ask yourself if you are both ready and able to marry. If the answer is yes, then start looking for a potential partner that would make a good husband or wife according to the biblical standard. If it's no, one should obviously refrain from seeking to become involved in a romantic relationship.
The next three articles - Just Friends (http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001475.cfm), Navigating the Early Stages of a Relationship (http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001512.cfm), Growing in Intimacy (http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001532.cfm), and Tips for Engagement (http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001549.cfm) - provide practical tips and biblical counsel for each stage of the relationship as it progresses.
One of my all-time favorite Boundless articles is "From 'Hi' to 'I Do' in a Year" (http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001598.cfm). One year is plenty of time to discover whether or not you can marry the person. This includes not having a long engagement.
The best article in this series is "Settling". Even if you don't read or agree with the rest of the series, I highly recommend reading this one. Sometimes we think we are holding out for the best= when we're actually being selfish. Instead of being concern about whether this person meets our pre-conceived romantic notions, we should be asking if they meet the biblical standard.
There is much more I could comment on, but I will leave it at this from now. Feel free to share your thoughts and give your opinion on the series!
Thanks for pointing this out. I found it extremely helpful. One can have these principles in mind more or less but with all the pressures or even Christians around one can forget why those principles are good. Besides that one needs more reassurance that these do work. It can sometimes be discouraging for those who are godly and seeking to swim agains the culture. It may be that those seeking to follow these principles will end up getting married later, but better to have a late marriage that lasts till death than to marry young (the first time) and again…and again.
ReplyDeleteSome of the views were refreshing to hear again and have them reiterated for me. Others were views I held but wasn't sure I had biblical basis for so that was definitely encouraging and helpful.
I'm so pleased and impressed with all the variety and quality of the things focus on the family has it's hands in. I do believe that they are one of the leading influences of our culture today. I'm just a little sad that it has to be a para-church organization leading because the church won't step up and lead. So I have mixed feelings about things like Focus on the Family but I believe the good they are doing outweighs the imperfect method it is being done.
Thanks.
I do not think that later marriage can be completely attributed to the holding of such principles, if at all. It certainly is discouraging though to find so few that share the biblical principles outlined in the series. I'm thankful for the work Boundless has been doing in this area. I, too, have mixed feelings about Focus on the Family and didn't think I would agree with the writings on Boundless. Much to my surprise, they instead have been a constant source of encouragement to me. So yes, I agree that the good they are doing outweighs their imperfections.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying that's the only attribution, but I don't know a lot of people with solid principles about marriage that find someone early. Maybe I'm just out of the loop, but I don't know many stories or men or women who had well developed principles about marriage that found someone early that turned into a marriage. I don't know in what way those are related but I have a feeling that they might be somewhat related. I'm afraid it might weird some people out to have these clear cut ideas that are different than the culture and turn some people off before anything gets going. Say a guy is somewhat interested in a girl but after meeting her finds out that she isn't interested in the traditional dating method of preparing for marriage. Just like modesty in girls turns some guys off because they like the girls who will show off what they've got.
ReplyDeleteI'm not set on this idea, it's just something that has come to my mind.
Well, I've later marriages more attributed to the fact that the young men are not taking initiative than holding to solid biblical principles of courtship. Many times the ladies are there but there simply aren't any godly guys, and the ones that are there are already "taken". I don't think that it is completely the guy's fault - sometimes, us ladies tend to set our standards a little too high and hold out for that perfect Prince Charming to come rescue us.
ReplyDeleteWell, just because they aren't heard about doesn't mean that they aren't or can't be there. ;) I realize that often marriage in the mid to late twenties is the norm, but that doesn't prevent me from hoping that I would at least be the exception to the rule. No matter what the statistics say, ultimately the timing is up to Yahweh.